Overfunctioning, Underfunctioning, and the Search for Balance

In the last year I discovered the work of Dr. Brene Brown. It feels odd to use her full name and title because in my head we are good friends. Her research is fascinating and the hours we’ve spent with her speaking directly to me (okay, fine – they were audio books) gave me more than a few insights on my path to know myself better. My favorite new-to-me concept from Brene is that of overfunctioning and underfunctioning…

(Originally published 05/03/20 for Oya Yoga Studio)

In the last year I discovered the work of Dr. Brene Brown.  It feels odd to use her full name and title because in my head we are good friends.  Her research is fascinating and the hours we’ve spent with her speaking directly to me (okay, fine – they were audio books) gave me more than a few insights on my path to know myself better. 

My favorite new-to-me concept from Brene is that of overfunctioning and underfunctioning.  The distinction was developed by psychologist Murray Bowen and to keep it simple both are stress/anxiety responses: over does too much, under does too little.  I typically thought of anxiety responses as simply fight of flight (freeze and fawn being newer additions to the list) and did not give it much more space in my mind.  If I was not running from the room or having some sort of argument, I assumed I was doing fine.   

The reality is far more nuanced.

Continue reading “Overfunctioning, Underfunctioning, and the Search for Balance”

I’m not busy.

This feels like a weird thing to say because lately “busy” seems to be something bragged about instead of something to avoid. But “busy” is a negative for me, and I’m often surprised that it isn’t for others.

Busy work is not the good kind of work, it’s something teachers might hand out to fill time and keep kids from getting into something else.  As an adult who gets some say in how I spend my hours and minutes on this earth I am not looking for things to just keep me occupied so I don’t have time to get curious about or engaged in other things. Continue reading “I’m not busy.”

You’ve got to track your money

When I start working with someone on their finances, step one for them is always tracking income and expenses. Not changing what they are doing, but just starting to take note of it. People come in and start talking about their priorities and goals such as get out of debt, save for college, save for retirement, buy a new house or car, etc. and about how they aren’t making the progress they want. We talk about their current situations (and I try not to scare them off with words like assets and liabilities) and I take some notes then I tell them to go home and track every penny they spend for the next month. It’s amazing how little most people know about their own spending, and if knowledge is power this is definitely how you get some power over your money. Continue reading “You’ve got to track your money”

My inbox at zero

I have (basically) no e-mails in my inbox. I’m not talking about work. I’m talking about the hundreds of personal ones that are about all my stuff and my kid’s stuff and sometimes my husband’s stuff. A fair percentage of these e-mails usually need some sort of attention, though not particularly urgently.

It’s taken me the better part of a year but I’ve finally gotten my e-mail to a happy place. It’s not exactly rocket science, but I did a few things for a long time and slowly but surely it got better, and I got better. Before I go on – can I just tell you how awesome it us to not be using my e-mail in box as a weird sort of to-do list? All that blankness is inspiring. Continue reading “My inbox at zero”

Ten Minutes

It’s (way) under ten minutes to read this. Why? Because ten minutes is my new magic number. Not exactly a resolution (but in that family of making better choices) I’ve decided to dedicate 10 minutes each day to two things I want to make progress on. One is this, the other is my photography. Both tend to slip off the to do list because I make them bigger and bigger in my head until It feels like I might need months or years (not minutes) to make the progress I want. Continue reading “Ten Minutes”

4 days: 30 minutes at a time

Making a plan for every 30 minutes of your waking life (as discussed here on Monday) is easy.  It turns out making reality look anything like that plan is tricky.  Go figure.   Now, I’m not looking to turn our lives into some perfect utopian thing where every moment we are perfectly engaged and we are doing exactly what we planned. The goal was/is just to do more of the things we want to do and get some stuff off the master project list we made up for the month. Continue reading “4 days: 30 minutes at a time”

Time and Potential

My life is full of potential.  My house is proof of it.  There is potential absolutely everywhere.  Clothes I could potentially wear, cookbooks filled with recipes I could potentially cook, chairs on which I could potentially sit – but never do.  A look just around my office/craft/laundry room shows off so much potential it almost makes me feel ill.  There is fabric I could potentially sew into amazing things, textbooks for that foreign language I could potentially learn, stacks of keepsakes I could potentially turn into something meaningful. Continue reading “Time and Potential”

The Bookshelf – Worth it: Your Life, Your Money, Your Terms

Who: written by Amanda Steinberg (founder of DailyWorth.com)

What: a financial guide directed at women focusing on achieving positive net worth and positive feelings about money.

When: Published February 2017

How: The goal of the first part of the book is to understand and accept your personal feelings towards money (your “money story”).  Continue reading “The Bookshelf – Worth it: Your Life, Your Money, Your Terms”

What on earth is “extra” money?

The current Woman’s Day magazine has an article talking about “extra” money and how it often gets “frittered away”.  I had to stop right there.  What on earth is extra money and how do I get some?

Well, it turns out that by “extra” they really meant unexpected, unplanned for or forgotten money.  Let’s break these down for a minute. Continue reading “What on earth is “extra” money?”

Don’t forget about me (said your budget)

It’s nearing the end of the month and the number one thing people struggle with when we start to work on a financial plan is the timing.

I say timing – not time – because no matter what, you’re eventually going to spend the time.  This is more about spending that time in smaller (more useful) chunks and *ahem* not procrastinating.

I am an expert level procrastinator (if I wasn’t this post would have been up last week to remind you to do this mid-month), so I am not throwing any stones here.  Instead let me throw you a soft cushy place to land before that procrastination completely takes you to that crazy overwhelmed place. Continue reading “Don’t forget about me (said your budget)”